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28-Jun-2017 14:13

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Then, the inevitable happened: they started flaking. " Dear sir, I wouldn't haul my ass to Long Island to see your band if we were . My ego took a hit — just a few hours ago, they’d been so into me. So I did what anyone would do: I smoked a cigarette, threw up in my mouth a little, and found the bar. He’s an artist “of all sorts.” Seriously, I asked him what kind of artist he was twice and that’s all I got. During the next lull in the conversation, he said, “Um…. He had taken two sips of the beer he tricked the poor bartender into serving him, and I stood up. Since my date was running late, I sat alone at the bar for a half-hour and scoped all the cute boys I could have been kissing. Later, I saw the messages, one of which said: “WHERE ARE YOU? If nothing else, this experiment reminded me that I’m just not the kind who enjoys dating. I get really nervous, feel faint, and smoke a million cigarettes. At heart, I think I’d rather meet someone the old-fashioned way: get very drunk, wake up next to them, and assess whether to stick around or sneak out before they wake up.

After a long back-and-forth, one guy wrote me this on the morning of our date, "Well, I have gigs on Long Island Sat. Another guy told me he had to go to the DMV that day. But I sucked it up, cut my losses, and decided to just go on as many dates as I could. During his lecture on men who keep their word — yeah, it went there — I’m pretty sure he referenced Castro as an idol. I was actually on the verge of going over to say “hi” to one of them when my date arrived. That said, the hypothesis of the experiment still holds.

I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. Give me specifics — bars, restaurants, gyms – What are you looking for in a mate? Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it.

I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all. I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings – Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)? I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them — in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

I sent cryptic emails like: “Do you have a picture? ” The real fun was yet to come though: coordinating ten dates in two days? I thought about forwarding an email to all my boys with one-hour slots they could sign up for, but in the end I decided it might scare them away. The rest of my verbal allotment was spent “Mhmm”ing. DATE C At this point, I was dreading the next date. He ordered a Jim Beam and ginger ale, and I decided I liked him. I broke my rules and hung out with him for another two hours. Craigslist blind-dating is not for the faint of heart. Between the stress of trying to find guys to date, the scheduling, and the actually meeting complete strangers in person, I think I may have aged ten years in three days.

So instead I trudged through it, tearing my hair out and abusively penciling in and whiting-out dates on my day-planner. Between the slippery streets, crowds of people everywhere, and nerves, I felt mildly nauseous. I learned that he designs leather cuffs and men’s chemical-free fragrances. I got to the bar early, as my last date had been cut short. His black T-shirt was rather tight and his snow boots were bizarrely effeminate. We had a few laughs (though at this point I was kind of drunk, so I can’t quite remember what they were about). I was supposed to be meeting friends later to check in, but I was drunk and forgot to check my phone. Pros: His face, sense of humor, in law school, doesn’t live with parents. But though all I wanted to do after the first date was curl up with a bottle of wine and watch The In Crowd, I’m glad I pushed ahead.

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I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the 0K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.



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