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I love our French men as long as I do not have to date them." "I don't have tons of experience with Americans, but the ones I have dated tend to be much more open about how they are feeling and what they want, which makes it easier to date. A certain degree of selfishness is essential for a well-working relationship and New Yorkers seem to have that built into their DNA." "As a general rule, Americans are not going to beat around the bush.When they feel something, they will tell you -- whether it's that they like, want, or don't like or want something.The ease with which this white man navigated the public sphere was simply amazing and I wanted that. No matter how I modified my company, as a conscious black woman, I knew I was different and could not shake that suspicion of being exoticized by white men; I could never fully trust these relationships were real because at the end of the day I was still black.I was not raised a sheltered, “white washed” black woman, and so the permanence of being black, with all its burdens, was always more important to me than temporary ease of access – but that privilege afforded by my complexion was not so easy to ignore.But, perhaps more shameful than being publically passed over is thinking that just maybe your life would be easier – better even – if you were dating a white man.While I was angry with the security guard and the establishment, I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a tinge of regret at that moment for being with a black man or a hint of frustration at the very man who was just victimized and dismissed.Sometimes I am black, other times I am Indian or Latina, or I may be French, or just a white girl who tans a bit too much.
He is simultaneously invisible and ever present in the minds and lives of white America. Debased, filthy and unworthy, black men, we are told, are sexual deviants incapable of either desiring or maintaining healthy, meaningful relationships.
Over time I’ve found that the easiest way to change my ethnicity – change the way people treat me – is to change my company.